No Need For Sailors Neilrose PG SAILOR MOON is owned by Naoko Takeduchi and friends. TENCHI MUYO is owned by Kajishima Masaki and friends. This little crossover takes place between the end of TENCHI IN TOKYO and SAILOR MOON STARS. Tenchi and the gang encounter our Sailors for some amusing hijinks. Enjoy and all your comments are welcome. Author's Notes--What up, peeps? This is my first crossover and I figured that good ol' TM is a crowd pleaser. I never saw the first OAV series, but I am the proud owner of the TENCHI UNIVERSE. I had TENCHI IN TOKYO, but never really got into it. Probably because they changed the backstory. Anyhoo, happy reading and let's hear from everyone. Neilrose--OUT. "Yosho. Is that you?" Tenchi and Yosho were standing on the top step of Cherry Hill Temple when they noticed a small bald man of about late sixties approaching, followed by a girl of about seventeen. Her purple-black hair fell to her waist and her dark eyes glittered intensely. Both wore temple robes, the old man those of a head priest and the girl those of a miko. Yosho smiled warmly as he leaned over and embraced the other priest. "It has been a long time, Satori," The former Jurai king greeted. How have you been?" "I'm fine, Yosho," The priest smiled. "What brings you here?" "My grandson," Yosh indicated Tenchi who bowed politely, "is training to become a priest. May I present Tenchi Masaki. Tenchi, this is my old friend Satori Hino." "It is an honor, sir," Tenchi greeted. "I promise to study and work hard." "Relax, my boy," Satori laughed, patting his back. "Call me Grandpa. Everyon else does." "Nice to meet you, Grandpa," Tenchi smiled while shaking hands. "This is my granddaughter Raye. Fire reader and assistant." "Nice to meet you, Tenchi," Raye smiled as the two shook hands. "I am also training for priesthood." "Say, Tenchi. You got a girlfriend?" "GRANDPA!" "No, sir," Tenchi chuckled. He liked the old man. "Not as of yet." Raye led Tenchi into the temple to his room as the two priests sat down and began to remininsce about times gone by, including some "unpriestly activities". Meanwhile, Kiyone was at the Royal Crown on her lunch break, eating with Serena and her freinds, including Raye. The Galaxy Policewoman was ecstatic about her week. She had promoted to Detective Field Sergeant with more money and benefits. She received a well-paying job as combat instructor and consultant for the Crossroads Police Department. She had this decent part-time job as well as a reasonably cheap apartment, thanks to Andrew's sister Elizabeth. To top it off, she had just received word from the Galaxy Police Headquarters that her partnership with Mihoshi had been terminated. TERMINATED! How sweet that word sounded. Euphoric was hardly the term to accurately appeallate her. "Free at last! Free at last!" Kiyone crowed. "THANK GOD ALMIGHTY! I AM FREE AT LAST!!!" "I didn't know Martin Luther King was a Galaxy Policeman," Mina mused dryly. "What's up, girlfriend?" Lita queried. "You're in a good mood." "Well," Kiyone purred. "I just got word from HQ. Mihoshi is no longer my partner." "Why is that a good thing?" Amy queried. "She means well, but she is such a scatterbrained, incompetent AIRHEAD! Her fuckups have cost me at least seven years of promotions and commendations and I have had it with her. My prayers have been answered." "Scatterbrained, incompetent airhead," Raye smiled at a certain pigtailed blonde. "Reminds me of someone. I wonder who it could be." "Shove it, Raye," The "certain pigtailed blonde" glowered. "I met Mihoshi the other day," Lita put in. "Nice gal, but she makes Serena seem like a genius." "Someone makes Meatball Head seem like a genius?" Raye laughed. "That IS bad." "She was sobbing something fierce. Something about you returning to headquarters." Kiyone was on the verge of having to explain why she lied when relief came in the shape of her co-worker/roommate Elizabeth coming up to where they sat. The Galaxy Policewoman smiled in relief. "Hey, girls," Andrew's younger sister greeted. "Sorry, Kiyone. Break's over. Table 12 is pitching a hissy fit about a wrong sundae." "No problem," Kiyone sang. "I'm on it. Later, guys." Tenchi Masaki was on top of the world. He was living at Cherry Hill Temple with Raye, Grandfather Hino and Chad, studying to be a priest. He especially found it amusing that the old priest preferred to be a lecherous perv instead of a spiritual man. He studied at Mugen Academy and got on well with Amara and Michelle, though he found it a bit unnerving that his classes were taught by their "daughter" Tara Tomoe, a quiet girl with intense purple eyes and a neatly-trimmed purple-black Prince Valiant do. Tenchi also had a steady, several-month relationship with Mina Arnold, Raye's friend, and he and her cat Artemis got along famously. She was a bit flighty, but a real sweetheart. On the other hand, the Masaki household was a perusual insane asylum. Ayeka and Ryoko argued over who loved Tenchi more. Mihoshi pined away for Kiyone, unaware that her ex-partner was in Crossroads. Washu blew up another part of the house "in the name of science". In the kitchen, the only sane member, Sasami, was preparing lunch while Ryo-oki chilled on the countertop, munching on a carrot. "This is ridiculous, Ryo-oki," Sasami sighed as she scratched the cabbit's head. "It's the same routine day in and day out. This is so old." "Nyaa. Nyaa." The cabbit agreed. "I know. You wanna go see Tenchi?" "NYAAAA!" "Quiet! I don't want the others to know." "Nyaa." Sasami snuk out of the kitchen, holding the cat/rabbit hybrid, but noticed that all the other occupants were too busy with their own mini-dramas to pay her any attention. Mihoshi was complaining to the Chief of the Galaxy Police on the vid-radio, having heard that she was no longer Kiyone's partner. The Chief was attempting to be sympathetic, yet his face clearly showed irritation. Ryoko stopped her arguement with Ayeka to take the conversation in, an amused smile playing on her face. "But, Grandpa," Mihoshi sobbed. "Why? Kiyone's a sister to me!" "I'm sorry, child," The Chief replied. "Kiyone deserves a partner who will watch her back." "But, I do that, don't I?" "No, child. If anything, she has to babysit you." "Grandpa!" "My decision is final, Mihoshi. I don't know how you ever became one of us." "There, there, kiddo," Ryoko cooed in mock sympathy as she wrapped her arms around the sobbing Policewoman. 'Good for you, Kiyone. Hope your life is better.' Sasami and Ryo-oki took that moment to sneak noiselessly out of the house to the edge of the dock. The Crown Princess gently tossed the cabbit into the air and it transformed into a giant spaceship. Sasami was beamed aboard and and the "ship" took off for Crossroads, unaware that a pair of golden eyes watched and a smile appeared on a lovely feline visage. "Not bad, kiddo," Ryoko chuckled. "I'd get out of Dodge, too." The Sailors were having "Study Buddies" at the temple and Tenchi was helping Mina and Serena with their math. The other girls wholeheartedly approved of the relationship as did Luna and Artemis, although Tenchi prayed that neither Ryoko nor Ayeka find out about it. Suddenly, the door slid open and a small furry missile slammed into his chest, knocking him over. "NYAAA! NYAAA!" "Ryo-oki?" Tenchi's eyebrows shot ceilingward as the cabbit rubbed her head against his chest. Serena squealed in delight. "How CUTE! Hi, sweetie!" Ryo-oki jumped into her arms to be cuddled. "Tenchi!" Sasami ran in and threw herself against the stunned priest-to-be, holding him tightly. "I missed you." The Inners smiled at the diversion. Rini, the youngest Sailor, was happy because she had another girl her own age to relate to. The Guardian Cats hit it off with the cabbit as Tenchi gently disengaged himself from Sasami's embrace and held her shoulders. "Sasami?" Tenchi intoned. "What are you doing here?" "Ryo-oki and I need a break. Can we stay with you?" "Business as usual, right?" Sasami nodded sadly. Ryo-oki gave a mournful confirmation. "No wonder you left." "What are you talking about?" Lita inquired. Tenchi explained to the Sailors his meeting his extraterrestrial "guests" and their unusual "living arrangements" while Sasami befriended Luna and Artemis and Ryo-oki endeared herself to the other Inners. The Jurian Crown Princess tried some fish and rice that was on the table, wrinkling her nose in gentle disapproval. "Sorry," Tenchi smiled. "My weak attempt at cooking." "You just study," Sasami chirped. "Let me do the cooking. Where's the kitchen in this place?" "You can cook?" Lita queried, interested. "Lita," Tenchi mused. "Sasami may only be nine years old, but she can put most of the, if not all, the world's finest sous chefs to shame." "WOW!" Serena exclaimed. "Really?" Raye gave Sasami directions to the kitchen as she played with a frisky cabbit. Amy volunteered to go with the Jurian and even help her. The two girls left when a figure suddenly materialized through the wall and flew into Tenchi's arms, embracing him warmly as seven pairs of questioning eyebrows arched ceilingward. "Tenchi, my love!" Ryoko cooed. "I've missed you!" "Ryoko!" Tenchi moaned. "What are you doing here? Is Ayeka with you?" "To see you, my love. And, no. Miss Prissy Bitch doesn't know I'm here." "Scuse me, darling," Mina smiled. "Homeboy's my boyfriend." "Your WHAT?!" Suddenly, Ryoko's eyes narrowed as a slow poisonous smile creased her lips. "Tenchi, darling. When did this happen?" "When did what happen?" Tench assumed attempted innocence. "You going out with Blondie here." Ryoko's smile grew extra teeth. "About three months." 'Oh, shit. I'm in for it.' "She's a real sweetheart." Ryoko was about to blow a gasket, when Ryo-oki jumped onto her shoulder and rubbed her cheek, mewing softly. Rini took out a camera and snapped a picture. "How cute!" She squeaked. "Okay, fuzzy," The pirate chuckled as she patted the cabbit's head "I won't kill them. Ayeka ain't gonna like this though." "Who's Ayeka?" "The biggest, prissiest bitch in the Universe." "I thought that was Raye," Serena smiled at the priestess, who belted her with a pillow. "She has this notion that my Tenchi and her are destined in the stars to be together for eternity and all that bullshit. Over my dead body." "I said he's mine," The Venusian Sailor put in more forcefully. "I saw him first, toots, so fuck off." "I keep telling her and Ayeka I don't love them that way," Tenchi sighed. "I might as well be talking to a wall." "Lunchtime!" The timing was impeccable as space pirate and Love Scout were about to get into it. The door opened and Amy and Sasami walked in carrying the Crown Princess' usual culinary masterpiece. Sasami's eyes widened upon seeing Ryoko as seven mouths watered and seven hands tore into the delicacies. Serena was euphoric as she wolfed down her meal with unabashed relish. Mina forgot her argument with Ryoko as her tastebuds sang and her stomach orgasmed with rapture with the delights. "Oh, WOW!!" Mina exclaimed. "Holy SHIT! Lita, you got yourself some competition, girlfriend." "Competition?" Lita's eyebrows arched ceilingward. "Try the kid kicks my ass hands down." "You cook?" The pirate asked while enjoying her lunch. "Lita's the best cook," Serena gushed. "Not anymore," The Jovian conceded. "Sasami's the Queen." "Why are you here, Ryoko?" Sasami asked warily. "Relax, kiddo," Ryoko smiled as she patted the girl's head. "I don't blame you at all for cutting out. Mihoshi messing up all over the place and blubbering like a retard. Washu blowing up the place for another useless invention. And, of course, the Bitch Queen herself. I'd get out of town myself." "You're talking about my sister." "My sympathies, munchkin. How do you put up with her?" "Ryoko," Tenchi interjected. "No offense, but you're as much of a Bitch Queen as Ayeka is." "I, at least, admit it. I'm a bitch and proud of it." The Sailors munched away happily as they studied, paying no attention to the conversation figuring it was none of their business. Mina chirped away happily about her relationship with Sasami and Ryoko, Sasami thrilled and Ryoko fighting to keep from strangling the Love Scout. 'Oh, Ayeka's gonna be PISSED!' "Say, Sasami," Lita mused. "You ever think about opening a restaurant?" "Maybe sometime in the future on Jurai," The young Crown Princess replied. "How about being my partner here on Earth?" Lita smiled broadly. "OOOOOOOH!! THAT WOULD BE AWSOME!!" Serena squealed. "Meatball Head!" Raye blasted the offending party with a pillow. "Dial it down nine hundred notches!" "Sorry, grouchmeister!" Serena followed up with a raspberry. "A zillion restauarants would kill to have you for a chef, Sasami." "Why not?" Ryoko put in, embracing a rather irritated Tenchi. "I always say that if the kid were paid for her cooking, she'd be a zillionaire." "Ryoko," Tenchi sighed while not-too-gently disengaging himself from the space pirate. "Sasami is a PRINCESS. She doesn't need money." "Say, why don't you all come up this weekend?" Sasami chirped while scratching Artemis' nose, eliciting a grateful purr from the Guardian Cat. "Why not, loverboy?" Ryoko's smile dripped blood. "I'm sure everyone will like the girlfriend." "I like her already." "Thanks, munchkin," Mina smiled while playfully mussing Sasami's hair. "I'm kinda fond of you, too." "Great," Tenchi moaned. "Ayeka's gonna go ballistic." The priest-in-training ate with zero enthusiasm as Sasami and Lita traded notes and recipes. Amy was patiently helping Mina and Serana with their English while Raye helped Rini with her math. Ryoko watched her cabbit play with the two Guardian Cats and smiled. 'What a cute bunch of kids. No wonder Tenchi likes them.' Later that afternoon, at the Asylum known as the Masaki household, Noboyuki, Washu and Ryoko were putting up decortations for a Welcome Home party for Tenchi. The not-so-coordinated Mihoshi was given the task of looking after Ryo-oki while Ayeka and Sasami were preparing a special feast for the occassion. Yosho entered the house from finishing his shrine duties and meditation. The cabbit leapt into his lap and curled into a ball as the old priest smiled, patting her head. Suddenly, Ayeka stormed into the living room looking like she was going to kill someone. "He WHAT?!!" She bellowed. "What is it, Ayeka?" Mihoshi queried. "Lord Tenchi--has a--has a--a--GIRLFRIEND?!!!!" "My sentiments exactly, Princess," Ryoko mused with deceptive calm. "Tenchi is bringing her and her friends up this weekend." "HOW DARE HE!!" "Indeed. I hear she's a shameless slut." "Ryoko," Sasami scolded as she entered the living room. "That is not true. When are you two going to get over the fact that Tenchi does not love you that way?" "Sasami. Dear little sister," Ayeka smiled as she gently stroked her sibling's cheek. "You are a little too young to understand such things." "Oh, come on!" Ryoko snapped. "Give the kid some credit, will ya?" "I understand perfectly, Ayeka," Sasami intoned softly. "It's your bickering that drove Tenchi away and I don't blame him if he doesn't want to come back." The weekend came and Tenchi arrived with the Sailors and was mobbed by an ecstatic Sasami, Mihoshi and Ryoko. He and Yosho embraced warmly as Washu greeted him with a simple kiss on the cheek. The Sailors giggled as they joked about how popular he was. Ayeka simply stared coldly at Mina who knelt down to greet a cheerful Ryo-oki, scratching her fur. The Crown Princess of Jurai walked over and offered her hand, her features set in a cold smile. "I am Crown Princess Ayeka of the Jurai Empire." Her voice oozed poison. "You must be the girlfriend." Venom drenched the word. "Mina Arnold," The Venusian chirped, shaking hands."How're ya doing?" "I am fine. Let us get something straight, my dear. Lord Tenchi and I have been destined in the stars since we were young and Fate has determined our love." "Say what?" "In other words, Blondie, Tenchi is MINE! So BACK OFF!" "Screw you, your Royal LOWNESS!" Ryoko interjected. "He's mine!" "He's MINE!" "MINE, BITCH!" "MINE, YOU WORTHLESS SCUM!!" "See why I left?" Tenchi groaned as his "suitors" argued and the Sailors chuckled. "They're like Serena with Darien," Lita mused. "24/7. Three hundred sixty five days a year. When the opportunity came for me to study for the priesthood, I jumped." "To save your sanity?" Amy smiled gently. "Big time. Same reason Kiyone moved out and is living in Crossroads. She had had it with Mihoshi messing everything up for the past seven years." "I'm surprised Kiyone didn't kill her," Serena mused, stroking Luna's fur. "Oh, she thought about it all the time. Believe me. I think she even tried to do just that a few times as well." Sasami brought out trays of various refreshements, which temporarily put a halt to the hostilities to Tenchi's "suitors". Washu chatted with Amy, happy that she could relate to someone approximately her intellectual equal. Lita and Sasami exchanged recipes and ideas for future restauarants and the first time they cooked. Mihoshi chatted with Mina and Serena about being a Galaxy Policewoman while the trio played with Ryo-oki. Raye commented cruelly that the trio's conversationwas a 'meeting of mental midgets', eliciting Serena and Mina to launch pillows at the offending priestess. Yosho sat down next to the Jovian and smiled. "So, Sasami tells me you cook?" The priest observed. "Since I was about seven," Lita replied. "Although Sasami has me beat. Her stuff is absolutely amazing." "Yes. The Royal Chefs back on Jurai had to bodily remove her so they could do their duties." "I like cooking," Sasami smiled. "It's relaxing." "You should come over to my place." Lita patted the Crown Princess' head. "We could have a cooking party and make some great dishes." "How about our very own cooking show? Serena could be our taster." "I like it. We'll talk." During all this, Tenchi was in his room eating and catching his breath. He knew Ayeka would be furious about Mina, but, to her credit, it did not get ugly yet. 'This weekend is going to be hell!' He was suddenly aware of a prescence and looked toward the bed, seeing Artemis regarding him.Tenchi smiled as he walked over from his desk and sat down on the bed and patted the Guardian Cat. Artemis purred in gratitude. "How ya doin', fuzzball?" Tenchi mused. "Fine," Artemis replied. "The party's for you, you know." "Yeah, I know. But it's too crazy and Ryoko and Ayeka're probably arguing over who loves me more." "Do you love either one?" "No. At least, not the way they want me to." "Did you tell them?" "Million times. But, they always say 'Keep out of this. We'll decide who you love best'. It's like my input's not important. They know best." "Reminds me of Serena and Rini. It's the same thing with them and Darien." "Wait a minute. Rini's only a kid. How could she love him?" "Long story, but at times, it gets real ugly." Tenchi smiled as he decided to chill in his room and bond with the Guardian Cat. As he stretched out on the bed, his back against the headboard, Artemis curled up in his lap and enjoyed having his fur being played with. Down in the living area, it was inevitable that Ayeka and Ryoko would get into it. Out of respect for the guests, except for Mina, the two took their "discussion" outside and proceeded to blast each other. Suddenly, batlike youma attacked from nowhere and started draining the space pirate and Crown Princess. The Scouts immediately transformed and counterattacked as the household watched in amazement. Mina, or rather, Sailor Venus especially attacked the youma with extra vigor and fervor with Love and Beauty Shock, Crescent Beam and Love Chain Encircle. Ryoko joined in with her blasts, impressed with the Venusian and even respecting her more now. Sailor Moon finished off the last of the youma as the pirate and Love Scout shook hands to call a truce to their disagreement over who should get Tenchi. Later, it was karaoke night with the Tenchi crew and the Sailors. Mihoshi and Serena were doing a duet of Sister Sledge's "BYOB" when they both tripped over their feet and took out the machine. Meanwhile, Ayeka walked over to Mina and stared her in the eye. "I want to battle you," She stated. "What?" Mina arched her eyebrows. "For what?" "For Tenchi." "He's my boyfriend." "NO, HE'S NOT! HE'S MINE!! I will not let some bottle-blonde FLOOZY sully him. He is destined to me in the stars. I will NOT GIVE HIM UP!" "He doesn't love you, Ayeka." "YES, HE DOES! HE JUST WON'T SAY IT!!" "He won't say it because you and Ryoko won't let him get a word in! You won't hear his side!" "He has no side! HE LOVES ME! AND THAT'S FINAL!!" "I won't fight you. It's not worth it." "Then you give him up." "I do not. You're just pissed that he moved out and he chose someone who won't speak for him." "Ayeka," Tenchi snapped, walking out of the house. "That's enough! I do not love you or Ryoko. I love Mina! And that's final. You bitch and bitch and I have HAD IT!" "But, Tenchi--" "NO! I moved out because you drive me crazy! I love Mina! Not you! Not Ryoko! Get over it!" Ryoko walked over and gently steered the Love Scout toward the house with a sorereal smile on her visage. "She ain't worth it, blondie," The pirate mused. "Arguing with her is, as Tenchi says, like talking to a wall. She won't give him up, no matter what you do." "How pathetic," Mina stated. "It's so not worth arguing with her." "Tell me about it. Just because she's some rich spoiled princess, we all have to do her bidding. How's Kiyone?" "She's good. Her post-Mihoshi life is just terrific." "Yeah. Tenchi told me the other day that Mihoshi's a wreck because of it." "She'll get over it. What're you doing later?" "Why?" "I know a club or two we can do." "Sounds good." The two new-best friends entered and went upstairs to try on clubbing clothes. Finding outfits they were happy with, pirate and Love Sailor shanghaied a very relieved Tenchi and took him out to TAILWIND, a new karaoke club and the trio had a ball until the wee hours. THE END Done. My first crossover, like I said. I have others that are in the works. Including some with older anime such as BATTLE OF THE PLANETS (GATCHAMAN) and STARBLAZERS (SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO. Anyone have any suggestions as to what anime I should do next?